Breakdown

I’m having a really hard time right now. First, I’ve been struggling with the loss of my furbaby, Tails. I finally had to put her to sleep last Friday and it was the most heartbreaking and soul-crushing decision I’ve ever had to make. I have not been the same since and it seems like every day has brought a fresh memory of her and a renewed sense of loss. Then the vet called a little while ago to tell me her ashes were ready and I could pick them up whenever I was ready. And this sent me into a tailspin.

It is so hard to sit here alone and be consumed by this overwhelming grief. And add this to all of the stress of my job right now and I really don’t know how I’m holding it together. At this moment, I’m thinking about the bottle of vodka in my pantry. How enticing it seems to just get completely wasted and pass out so I can forget about everything for a while.

I could always just get in my car and go for a drive to clear my head…and then keep driving.

I need something good to happen in my life right now. Because as things are right now, I’m about to have a fucking breakdown.

 

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Daddy

I’ve had a fair share of ups and downs in my relationship with my dad. There were times he was the absolute best guy in the world in my eyes; he was fun, had great taste in music and he made me laugh. There were times I did not understand him and didn’t want to be around him. There were times I didn’t like him or didn’t talk to him. But no matter what, I love him. He’s my dad. Continue reading “Daddy”

Only Those That Matter

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about friends I’ve had over the years who have disappeared from my life. It used to bother me that people who once meant so much to me (and I thought I meant a great deal to them) could just cast me aside. I used to wonder why it was easy for people to leave me. It has taken me a very long time to realize that it wasn’t me; it was them. Continue reading “Only Those That Matter”

Be Happy With What You Have

Over the years, through reading books, watching movies and just observing other relationships, I have developed a pretty romantic (and probably unrealistic) notion of what love should be like. And, from time to time, I have felt let down that I didn’t have this fairy tale romance in my life. Because of that, I haven’t always been as happy with what I have as I should have been. Continue reading “Be Happy With What You Have”

No Defense

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this post and whether to even say anything at all. By now, everyone has heard Donald Trump’s incredibly vile sexual comments about women. I have sat back and watched as people (including Trump himself) tried to justify his comments and play them off as “locker room talk” while others have distanced themselves from Trump and called for his backing out of the election while still others expressed disgust and outrage. I went through a range of emotions upon hearing his comments. I was only mildly shocked because it’s Trump we’re talking about and he has said some pretty ludicrous things in the past. I was disgusted that he could actually brag about forcing himself on women. I was infuriated that he would use his position of celebrity and modicum of power to take what he wanted from the women he wanted. And I was saddened that this sexual predator was unbelievably in a position where he could be given even more power to perpetrate even more unspeakable abuses.

Continue reading “No Defense”

Do Unto Others…

I’ll start by saying that this blog is probably a bit petty and I should just get over things but I’m bothered by things that happened and I need to vent.

Now, I’m not really the type to get excited over my birthday. I used to look forward to it with great anticipation but after you are constantly let down by family and friends you learn to stop caring. That’s what happened to me.

Now, when my birthday rolls around, I enjoy celebrating with the people who matter most and I appreciate so much more the well-wishes I get from various people in my life. And even though I stopped getting excited for my birthday, I am still let down by people every year. This year was even worse than usual. Continue reading “Do Unto Others…”